I was miffed and discouraged this morning when I found out that I have yet another unexpected bill to pay in Uganda. The electric company has increased the power going to my house (and others in my neighborhood there) to more than 240v. It has been “blowing up” household fans and smaller appliances. My house has a regulator, meaning something to control these inconsistent bursts of power. But I need a newer and bigger one. It will cost around $1,300. Ugh.
I remember when I first went to Uganda. It took nearly 3 years to get all the “bugs” worked out of the electric in my home, plus putting lightning rods on the roof, getting a generator AND an inverter (a house “battery pack”). It was so costly, and so frustrating. But God provided.
Yesterday I wrote a long prayer journal asking God to help me not be so independent. I know He has given me a “strong” (you can read bossy and opinionated in that– sorry to say) personality. I do not like it. I want to be gentle and quiet and peaceful. But every time I think I’ve got hold of His hand, like a little girl walking beside Him, suddenly something distracts me. Yes, I could own one of those tee shirts that says, “Easily Distrac…” and it would be true of me.
But in a spiritual sense, this is NOT cool. I let go of the Lord’s hand way to easily, running out on my own to inspect something pretty and, well, worldly. Or I get involved in time wasters and brain-killers (A.K.A. TV or movies) that are not horrible, but they distract my focus from Jesus and His glory and power.
The worst, though, is when I think I can stand alone. I can’t. I need the Rock of Jesus Christ under me, His strong arms around me, His Voice in my ear. Without those things going on, my heart can become “dark” and I certainly don’t please or honor Him. I miss out on so much when I’m distracted; when I’m not connected to Him.
So at the end of my prayer asking the Lord to help me not be so independent, I asked Him if he wouldn’t take that quality away, would He at least grow me in this area, so I might draw closer to Him. I asked that I might somehow give Him glory, even through this “weakness” of being strong.
And yet at the first test, meaning the news of even more funds to raise, I failed miserably– but only for an hour this time. My heart sunk and I was upset that yet another thing might inhibit me from a timely return to Uganda.
Yet He reminded me of that prayer yesterday. He reminded me that He indeed is strong. That He has good plans. That this world will never be a safe and smooth ride. He reminded me that He is in control and I only need to hold onto Him.
He also reminded me that there are countless people in this world with nothing. The Haiti one-year anniversary of the earthquake was yesterday. They are struggling so much. My Ugandan day-guard Peter, who cares for his own 8 children and those of his half-brother, plus his wife had breast cancer in 2010, and yet Peter doesn’t complain. God reminded me of so many Americans who have lost their jobs, their homes even. He reminded me of so much war, suffering and injustice in this world. And He reminded me that He has provided exactly what I have needed in funding and prayer support over the years. So what on earth was I so bummed about?!
Once again, my vision got off Jesus and onto the crashing waves of this world. But He was holding me the whole time. And then He reminded me that “And this same God… will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19, NLT.
I memorized this verse as a little girl, from the KJV. Is it as true now as it was then? Absolutely. Are His promises for others, or for me as well? They are for me– they are for you, if you believe.
I choose to believe. I choose to trust. I choose to let him do whatever He wants in and through me. I choose to go according to His timeline and not my own. Mine says I am to return to Uganda on April 11. I’m praying that it is His date, too. But it really is His and not mine to decide. So I choose the words that so many say (when they refer to the Latin), “Deo Volente”, meaning “God willing”.
Just as a brief aside: when I looked online to find the older (KJV) version of the above verse in Philippians, I put in a key word of “provide”. It is in scripture a TON. So is the word “give” (or derivatives), and so forth. They all talk about God giving and providing for us. Yet we still grab and grasp for more. Oh, Lord. Forgive me and help me not be greedy. Help me rest in your arms, content in your provision.
Do you trust the Lord today to provide for you? Can you? I choose to trust Him still. To run to Him for all my needs– whether as a missionary raising support, or as His child in need of direction, refinement, or comfort. I choose to be obedient and humble, allowing Him to speak to me and, Lord willing, through me. Deo Volente; God willing– He will get the glory. After all, it’s all about Him, no matter where He puts me or how or when. And so, Lord Jesus, once again I surrender to your “Volente”; your will.
Think of it this way; maybe He is allowing increases in costs/fund raising just as a set-up, so that in the end He comes of with some awesome miracle which brings Him even more glory? Well- I CAN trust Him. I love those powerful endings in Bible stories, where the things can't be explained except through the Lord's intervention and power. Think of it- the fiery furnace, the parting of the Red Sea, the Resurrection of Christ from the grave! He certainly gets the glory in those and countless other things! So LET HIM have the glory- in my life, and I pray in your life too! May He be glorified and honored this day.
“Soli Deo Gloria”… Glory to God alone. Amen.